Love is 1 Beautiful Thang hun:)
Zidane & Wifey:)
Abdou Diouf & Wifey :)
Olucci and hubby:)I just read this article about what men want in a woman that I am going to add to this post, & I thought it was pure genius ...of course that doesn't mean that you'll have "Moctar",or" Pierre",or "Fumi", or "Marko" all wrapped around your finger all at once...let's be real ladizz...it will never happen that way..but @ least you'll have little tips to keep things interesting or at least whenever you slip for a second ,you can always go back and decide to take charge....as much as you can ...of course:) So here are some conclusion of my research..just my personal opinion*..
N0.I: ALWAYS MAINTAIN YOURSELF
...I know ...I know if you are anything like me you'll say... why does it have to always be about looks? Well ladizz after research and "talkin w/men" I've realized that for the most part the first thing that attracts them are our looks, our African curves (cos you know Mother Nature was generous when she made us...lol) "Fatou" may be skinny all she wants, and have a waist a la "Shakira" but trust & believe that she will have some ity bitty ..junk in the trunk!! ..Don't fight it mamas ...it's in the genes...Besides you know how it is in our culture , our men like to show us off, and have their friends drool w/green envy...thinking to themselves why can't be my wifey be like that...lol
Plus I have 2 admit that I wouldn't want "my average Mahmoud" who was looking fly when I first met him ,start gowing a humengous gutt...I'm just saying ...lol
N0 II: KEEP HIM IN CHECK...
He can say whatever he wants to say ..but any African Diva can tell you that
No III: BE HIS NO1 FAN..
Believe it or men are big babies at heart...and just like their mamas did , they want us to cheer them on...tell them sincerly that "yeah that they can reach the sky"..and that yeah "that idea of business that they may have.. may be a great idea but maybe just not right now"(before that fool goes on and spend every last $ that u need for the kids ) ..but w/a bit of saving and more research a bit later..and that yeah even though times are hard..they may be living in the Western World and having to engage in things they may not have wantedto but that yeah "they can do it"..or that being in our lovely Africa,even though times are hard but that they can do it regardless...This brings me to my next point a bit sensitive* but...
No IV: LETTING HIM BELIEVE FOR HIS EGO SAKE THAT HE'S SOMEWHAT IN CONTROL....
y'all know that African men love to feel like they are consulted in every decision making..taking that away from them .. SUICIDE!! surely a lit bit of their manly confidence goes away in smoke...and you don't wanna do that trust..They may stay in the relationship..but trust & believe that they will ressent your a.....('xuse my french)
So I know we're part of a new generation where we feel like we can do it all and not be similar to the women of our mother's generation..but ladizz we are African women so in some way we need to tame it down a bit..or fake it(LOL ..whatever you chose to do.... our African brothas for the most part won't change ...and a relationship is built on compromise...so if in order to have peace in the home we need to loosen a bit the belt "on our superwoman dress"..I guess that'll have 2 do...plus I don't know about y'all but I do love me a man who takes charge...
NO V:DO YOUR OWN THANG LADIZZZ...
Don't live your lives 100% around your men....don't live your lives around their schedules, around their phone calls, actually don't live your lives solely around their dreams..We are all born as individuals, of course when you get married you become 1..but even then, you have to keep a bit of you to you..otherwise you
won't have anything to give anymore..and whether they admit or not, they will take you for granted...can I get an Amen to that? If a man knows that your only objective in life is to sit at home waiting for his call...he won' t be in a rush to get in touch with you because he knows that you ain't going where...NO WHERE...that's just human nature..we're selfish by nature..so school him..show him that he ain't got it all like that..he still has to work for your attention..So if it's hanging out at the African resto, catching a flick, taking a dance class, or even having a girls night out..why not..they do it all the time..of course just as anything in life you have to have balance otherwise...but DO YOU!!
I think that's 1 of the biggest mistakes our elders did, and in some ways now they regret it because they didn't have anything for themselves...even if it's taking 15 minutes in the morning to work out or watch tv, going to the store w/a friend...going to a wedding, ...whatever DO SOMETHING FOR YOU.
VI: RESPECT YOURSELF, HIM , HIS FAMILY...
aight we all have those terrible stories of atrocious African mothers in law, or witches as sisters in law...you know the story..I don't even need to go there..in our African society it's a given you will aways find someone in his family who won't like your gut and will make it his or her mission to destroy your relationship any kind of way possible ...so what do you do? Franckly it's hard to answer..but you try to preserve your cool and your good manners to the maximum...of course do not let abuse it..but try to be polite, be short, stay on your guard, try to be helpful, be never gossip with his family..I don't care what they say, keep it for your damn self or share it w/your chickas once again..but never gossip w/them...keep it short , polite and keep it walking.. I think it's important to maintan family relationship on both sides, if it's just by calling once 1 month, sending a little something...you don't have 2 be 1 millionaire to do so..hello there's 99cents store...lol okay not quite but you get the picture...make some fish patties or something if not for you but for him..of course he has to do the same...of course...but try to make things as smooth as possible....
VII/PRESERVE YOUR SEXY...
You have to ladizz.... there's too much temptation out there...(coming from a feminist)and y'all know men are weak..mm I don't care what no one has 2 say...y'all know...I know..It's not an excuse to cheat...I'm not saying that we should wear a shirt saying "MY MAN CHEAT SO I HAVE TO LOOK GOOD"noo...
I'm saying make yourself feel good for you and for him too..bring up those little diali-dialis..(perls...whatever...)
get to know your friend Vickie last Name Secret...get to know those other African lingerie designers Nafytoo and co...u know...get to know your aunty who has the best encess, thiouraye..you know ..keep it up.
VIII/GET TO KNOW YOUR BEST FRIEND..GOD!
Gal your friends can talk all they want, but the ony person who can trully make you feel better is the AllMighthy , when all hell falls on you , they might love you all they want..but there's nothing they can do but say "I feel you" so like our mamas say your truest friend apart from your soul sistas is God ..get to know him and share him w/your dude ..it will always strenghten your relationship and his respect for you...and your own
IX/LAST BUT NOT LEAST RELAX...COS YOU HAVE ...YOU!!
...All these advices are all nice and dandy but they are that..advices!!..real life will take place..so there will be times..where you won't remenber those advices or simply not care about them but that's ok live your life until you get back to that place where you are receptive to them...And remenber if that relationship, that marriage doesn't work out..IT'S OK!!
If you've tried everything, prayed your heart out and still nothing ..
IT'S TRULLY OK..pain..will come...but at some point your fighting spirit will give birth again to hope and another love... God's Willing!
N0.I: ALWAYS MAINTAIN YOURSELF
...I know ...I know if you are anything like me you'll say... why does it have to always be about looks? Well ladizz after research and "talkin w/men" I've realized that for the most part the first thing that attracts them are our looks, our African curves (cos you know Mother Nature was generous when she made us...lol) "Fatou" may be skinny all she wants, and have a waist a la "Shakira" but trust & believe that she will have some ity bitty ..junk in the trunk!! ..Don't fight it mamas ...it's in the genes...Besides you know how it is in our culture , our men like to show us off, and have their friends drool w/green envy...thinking to themselves why can't be my wifey be like that...lol
Plus I have 2 admit that I wouldn't want "my average Mahmoud" who was looking fly when I first met him ,start gowing a humengous gutt...I'm just saying ...lol
N0 II: KEEP HIM IN CHECK...
He can say whatever he wants to say ..but any African Diva can tell you that
YOU SHOULD NEVER AND I REPEAT NEVER GIVE IT ALL ..
at least all at once to your African Warrior...big mistake ...mm !!Get this they love 1 bit of challenge...remenber the way they used to court us back in the days...okay..aight... of course times have changed & so have our African brothas but I'll say it again they love ...actually they long for a bit of work..he has 2 sweat a bit..so the "I loveee you to death Bachelor style" ain't gonna work for long with the "him " you chose....
So know how to give a bit and take a bit back, for example... he calls, please don't bombard the poor man of 10 phone calls and 50 text messages just to say that your boss is getting on your nerves or that you gained weight...keep that for your chickas , your road-dawgs if you may(plus it will be xtra conversation..lol)....basically what I'm saying is stay subtle , approachable while still needed to be conquered over & over again....
No III: BE HIS NO1 FAN..
Believe it or men are big babies at heart...and just like their mamas did , they want us to cheer them on...tell them sincerly that "yeah that they can reach the sky"..and that yeah "that idea of business that they may have.. may be a great idea but maybe just not right now"(before that fool goes on and spend every last $ that u need for the kids ) ..but w/a bit of saving and more research a bit later..and that yeah even though times are hard..they may be living in the Western World and having to engage in things they may not have wantedto but that yeah "they can do it"..or that being in our lovely Africa,even though times are hard but that they can do it regardless...This brings me to my next point a bit sensitive* but...
No IV: LETTING HIM BELIEVE FOR HIS EGO SAKE THAT HE'S SOMEWHAT IN CONTROL....
y'all know that African men love to feel like they are consulted in every decision making..taking that away from them .. SUICIDE!! surely a lit bit of their manly confidence goes away in smoke...and you don't wanna do that trust..They may stay in the relationship..but trust & believe that they will ressent your a.....('xuse my french)
So I know we're part of a new generation where we feel like we can do it all and not be similar to the women of our mother's generation..but ladizz we are African women so in some way we need to tame it down a bit..or fake it(LOL ..whatever you chose to do.... our African brothas for the most part won't change ...and a relationship is built on compromise...so if in order to have peace in the home we need to loosen a bit the belt "on our superwoman dress"..I guess that'll have 2 do...plus I don't know about y'all but I do love me a man who takes charge...
NO V:DO YOUR OWN THANG LADIZZZ...
Don't live your lives 100% around your men....don't live your lives around their schedules, around their phone calls, actually don't live your lives solely around their dreams..We are all born as individuals, of course when you get married you become 1..but even then, you have to keep a bit of you to you..otherwise you
won't have anything to give anymore..and whether they admit or not, they will take you for granted...can I get an Amen to that? If a man knows that your only objective in life is to sit at home waiting for his call...he won' t be in a rush to get in touch with you because he knows that you ain't going where...NO WHERE...that's just human nature..we're selfish by nature..so school him..show him that he ain't got it all like that..he still has to work for your attention..So if it's hanging out at the African resto, catching a flick, taking a dance class, or even having a girls night out..why not..they do it all the time..of course just as anything in life you have to have balance otherwise...but DO YOU!!
I think that's 1 of the biggest mistakes our elders did, and in some ways now they regret it because they didn't have anything for themselves...even if it's taking 15 minutes in the morning to work out or watch tv, going to the store w/a friend...going to a wedding, ...whatever DO SOMETHING FOR YOU.
VI: RESPECT YOURSELF, HIM , HIS FAMILY...
aight we all have those terrible stories of atrocious African mothers in law, or witches as sisters in law...you know the story..I don't even need to go there..in our African society it's a given you will aways find someone in his family who won't like your gut and will make it his or her mission to destroy your relationship any kind of way possible ...so what do you do? Franckly it's hard to answer..but you try to preserve your cool and your good manners to the maximum...of course do not let abuse it..but try to be polite, be short, stay on your guard, try to be helpful, be never gossip with his family..I don't care what they say, keep it for your damn self or share it w/your chickas once again..but never gossip w/them...keep it short , polite and keep it walking.. I think it's important to maintan family relationship on both sides, if it's just by calling once 1 month, sending a little something...you don't have 2 be 1 millionaire to do so..hello there's 99cents store...lol okay not quite but you get the picture...make some fish patties or something if not for you but for him..of course he has to do the same...of course...but try to make things as smooth as possible....
WE'RE AFRICAN..IT COUNTS..& IT WILL ALWAYS COUNT..
DON'T KID YOURSELVES!
VII/PRESERVE YOUR SEXY...
You have to ladizz.... there's too much temptation out there...(coming from a feminist)and y'all know men are weak..mm I don't care what no one has 2 say...y'all know...I know..It's not an excuse to cheat...I'm not saying that we should wear a shirt saying "MY MAN CHEAT SO I HAVE TO LOOK GOOD"noo...
I'm saying make yourself feel good for you and for him too..bring up those little diali-dialis..(perls...whatever...)
get to know your friend Vickie last Name Secret...get to know those other African lingerie designers Nafytoo and co...u know...get to know your aunty who has the best encess, thiouraye..you know ..keep it up.
VIII/GET TO KNOW YOUR BEST FRIEND..GOD!
Gal your friends can talk all they want, but the ony person who can trully make you feel better is the AllMighthy , when all hell falls on you , they might love you all they want..but there's nothing they can do but say "I feel you" so like our mamas say your truest friend apart from your soul sistas is God ..get to know him and share him w/your dude ..it will always strenghten your relationship and his respect for you...and your own
IX/LAST BUT NOT LEAST RELAX...COS YOU HAVE ...YOU!!
...All these advices are all nice and dandy but they are that..advices!!..real life will take place..so there will be times..where you won't remenber those advices or simply not care about them but that's ok live your life until you get back to that place where you are receptive to them...And remenber if that relationship, that marriage doesn't work out..IT'S OK!!
If you've tried everything, prayed your heart out and still nothing ..
IT'S TRULLY OK..pain..will come...but at some point your fighting spirit will give birth again to hope and another love... God's Willing!
Here's that wonderful piece that inspired me:
So brace yourselves, get ready for the roller coaster cos it sure will be one...!!
Eyee Wayee:)
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